> MRT Priority Seats 4

According to ComPuiTer they’ve got it all wrong

Top Left – “Standing corner is reserved for fat & Ice cream lover that are busy licking”
Top Right – “Standing corner for mothers that sling their baby like a backpack”
Bottom Left – “Reserve for passenger having popcorn”
Bottom Right – ” Reserve for passenger having erecting problems”

> Vicar hospitalised with potato up his bum

A vicar claims a potato got stuck up his bottom after he fell on to the vegetable while hanging curtains in the nude.

The clergyman, in his 50s, told medical staff at Sheffield’s Northern General Hospital that the accident was definitely not due to a sex game.

He had to undergo surgery to extract the spud from his backside, according to The Sun.

A&E nurse Trudi Watson told the paper: “He explained to me, quite sincerely, he had been hanging curtains naked in he kitchen when he fell backwards on to the kitchen table and on to a potato.

“But it’s not for me to question his story.”

She went on to reveal other objects removed from people’s derriére, including a cucumber, a Russian doll and a carnation.